them 9-5 boys outside, them PPP boys inside
I’m excited to announce that my biological parents... the ice cream truck driver & the icy cart lady have returned and I think my frozen inner child is melting. Summer is almost here!
Thanks to the CDC, the summer cat calls from men will actually be fully audible since we don’t have to wear our masks. Noise cancelling headphones are still essential items.
Full transparency, summer isn’t my favorite season because who wants to sweat? But there is something about just enough sunshine that we all love. A feeling, even if fleeting that everything is going to be fine…
When I close my eyes and think of summer, I hear NYC freestyle music the true sound of my childhood. I’m five years old playing with a life sized Barbie on the floor of my mother’s Harlem apartment. 141st and St. Nicholas. She’s smoking a cigarette and making me a hamburger on white bread, with a ketchup smiley face. The burger is well done because back then it didn’t matter to me.
I would linger longer that moment, but we have lots to discuss:
10) PPP BOYS DOWN BAD
It was all good a few weeks ago. The scammers were literally taunting those of us with jobs on their t-shirts, flaunting how they was running it up and having the times of their lives:
The tables have turned how they usually do, and now the PPP Boys are down bad and getting caught up with the law for falsifying records as to collect COVID relief funds. PPP stands for Paycheck Protection Program designed to aid small businesses in the pandemic… and yet the recipients were flexing on the gram making fun of people who work to receive honest paychecks!
Below are a few scammers that stood out in audacity to me. Click links for full story:
California man gets 5 Million, buys a Lambo, Ferrari, Bentley and vacations
Now them boys are in the slammer and us corporate boys are outside while still “working from home,” we love to see it.
9) RIP CHI MODU
Legendary hip hop image maker, Chi Modu has passed away over the weekend. Although you may not be familiar with his name…you have for certain seen his work before:
May he rest in eternal peace. Luckily for the world, the photographs he captured will live on forever…even digitally, as I was pleased to see he had entered the NFT space before his passing.
8) RIP PAUL MOONEY!
Heaven has all the good ones. This week, Paul Mooney passed away of a heart attack at the age of 79. He was truly an iconic comedian and as one of my favorite Youtubers called him, a “matador” of black culture. This actually makes sense because Mooney was a ringmaster at a circus when he was younger, according to his Wikipedia.
Arguably he never left the circus, taking on society as his stage and constantly reading us all for filth as it relates to race. He had a way of just telling it like it is, he used comedy for the vehicle but he was actually just spitting game.
He was highly intelligent, fully aware and there was no possible way for him to ever hide that. The discomfort he caused when he spoke only came about because he was telling the truth.
Many of us got closely acquainted with him thanks to fellow black genius Dave Chapelle’s show where Mooney played Negrodamus:
But Paul’s been in the game for decades, having written for one of the best comedians ever Richard Pryor, SNL (& many other TV shows) and performing on Broadway.
It would behoove you to hop on Youtube and search this man’s name and listen to what he had to say. I’ll leave you with some of his best moments from Chappelle’s Show:
And of course his legendary line, “everybody wanna be a nigga, but nobody wanna be a nigga,”
Rest in Peace King!
NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
7) COLONIAL PIPELINE HACKERS ONLY GOT 4 MILLION
So apparently we won’t have a gas shortage after-all because the Russian hackers of the Colonial Pipeline were paid the 4.4 million dollars that they were asking for…in order to unhack the gas pipes.
The hackers are super smart on one hand because they got paid in Bitcoin, when it was still worth it. Crypto boys, are also down bad this week.
On the other hand… is it just me, or that was too low? I know we “don’t negotiate with terrorists,” but if I were a hacker that had the power to potentially wreak major havoc over a country’s resources…I would charge more than that to give them their shit back! That’s just me though.
6) MULATTO NAME CHANGE
Rapper and former Lifetime Network (Rap Game) star Mulatto has changed her name to LATTO. I personally didn’t think she should change it, because she is indeed a mulatto (archaic term meaning mixed with black and white.) So technically she’s allowed. She officially let us know about the name change this week in her new video.
Similar to firing Aunt Jemima, Mulatto changing her name erases the word from history even more…I was rooting for her to be our ratchet Nikole Hannah Jones. But everyone’s too woke to realize how secretly bad ass the name is.
I truly loved her use of such an outdated term…forcing contemporary audiences to do their googles on the origin. Changing the name of something that was born out of slavery, doesn’t change the fact that slavery happened.
On the contrary, perhaps she’s trying to escape the literary trope of the “tragic mulatto,” with the name change…
5) TWERKULATOR GETS CLEARED, BUT NO VIDEO YET
As a purveyor of ratchet rap, I already had this song on my computer for months now, but my ears are happier to have the CDQ.
I’m glad the girls were able to clear the “Planet Rock” sample, which is a sample of another song by Kraftwerk. Lots of cooks in the kitchen wanting percentages I’m sure. Allegedly as per Spotify, The City Girls don’t even get a writing credit on this song because of the sample.
I immediately wanted a real video too, but instead got this weird BTS situation instead.
Whether the song was going to get cleared or not, the Tik Tok dance challenge was still already a hit:
The City Girls actually recently met up with the girl (she not white she’s light skinned) above, the 20 year old black creator of the dance @LayzChipz, to get lessons in time for the “movie,” as JT calls it.
I would be here for a You Got Twerked (née Served) hood musical, Miami style! Also based on the creator’s name I should likely try and pitch her for a potato chip sponsorship…10 likes on this post and I’ll do it!
Do you think Twerkulator will be the song of the summer?
4) ZIWE ASKING ANDREW YANG HIS FAV HOV SONG
Cringe fest. I’ll discuss her new Showtime show at a later date maybe. Please don’t vote for this man, we already have a corny mayor. In fact, we haven’t had a non corny mayor since Dave Dinkins (RIP).
3) KIWI BOTTEGA, GUNNA RESPONDS
Last week I said people from Brooklyn were different, but Atlanta is seemingly even more different from that. My new favorite IG page posted this neon booted man who wants to know who is flyer than him?
Gunna in the comments as the kicker.
2) KWAME BROWN VS. EVERYBODY
My favorite part of sports are the interpersonal relationships and psychological drivers of the players. So naturally when former NBA Player Kwame Brown whom I’ve never heard of before this, started going viral for cursing people out…I was super into it.
Long story short, Kwame was an amazing HS player and was the number 1 draft pick in the NBA back in the day. However, he didn’t live up to everyone’s high expectations getting labeled as a “bust,” and later left the league…going on to mind his own business.
Recently, Matt Barnes (who Kwame calls “Becky With The Good Hair) and Stephen Jackson went on their podcast to talk shit about Kwame’s wasted potential, totally unprovoked.
This set Kwame off and he ethered them on Youtube. Get into his YouTube channel. Essentially he said he’s simple man with steel toe boots and tractor minding his business for the past 20 years, and he will kick their industry asses (bland paraphrase he def went in.)
Then Jemele Hill went on Twitter although nobody asked her to, and commented on the situation saying Kwame “chose violence.”
The term “choosing violence” stems from Game of Thrones, a show I haven’t and will likely never watch. Mystical & murderous white people do nothing for my spirit.
Those of us who speak internet, understand the colloquial casual meaning of the term but Kwame wasn’t into it. He took that personally and so he clapped at Jemele too.
Is there truly a casual way to put “violence” in the same sentence of a black man in America’s name?
Charlamane also got on nationally syndicated radio saying that Kwame was “choosing violence,” and went on to allege that several members of his family were MURDERERS so we should all leave him alone. Wow.
Of course, Kwame clapped back to Charla & and brought up the sexual assault case that Charla plead to a lesser charge of….sex with a minor :/
Charla then hit Kwame with a Cease and Desist saying he can’t talk about his case! But you got on the radio talking about who his daddy buried alive and who his brothers killed, insinuating that he may also kill…and then you can’t handle him talking about your past. Hmmm.
This is a great lesson that not everyone talks like the timeline, and also to mind your business always
Here’s a great video summing up this situation as well as the Joe Budden situation from last week:
1) POLICE ACCOUNTABILITY ACT
My neighbor, NY Attorney General Letitia James introduced a new bill this week that would tighten up the rules regarding the use for force by police. The measure is supposed to make it so that cops only use force as an “absolute last resort.”
The police came out and said this new bill would make it impossible to do their jobs because they won’t know when the they can or cannot use force. They claim more New Yorkers will get hurt by this bill. Is that a threat?
It’s hard to say what will solve the problem , but it’s safe to say shit can’t stay the way it is now. That goes for anything in life: we have to redefine our actions and boundaries, when things aren’t working.
Easier typed than done. Perhaps you can try some new actions now and:
LOL you were on fire this week! RIP to the legends we lost, fr. I'm here for the Kwame Brown clapbacks, mans was just tryna exist in peace yet still very much for the smoke. I respect his gangsta fasho! Lastly, fuck 12... 4L.