the new sunday situation
volume 1
Welcome to my newsletter. It has come to my understanding that my snarky banter is highly sought after and many of you would like to hear from me more often.
“Baddie 5000" is inspired by me being a bad bitch, and also an ad-woman in a digital world. It felt like something for sale in an infomercial, with a new version available now! The above banner (if reading in email) is clearly a dedication to Conway shopping bags, as is my entire life.
I have yet to uncover why I refuse to just make my screenname my government name, am I running away from myself? The 100 people on my block list? Or am I just an ever-evolving phoenix? Stay subscribed to find out....
Anyway, every Sunday I’ll break down 10 things from the past week: five that were late & five that were great.
The top ten, is really two top fives for now… which goes to show you that nothing is truly what it seems. There’s duality in every aspect of our lives...nothing is ever purely “good” or “bad.” I’ll likely get fake deep like that again, and sometimes there will be bonus content outside of Sundays...if that's on my heart at the time.
TOP 5 LATE
things I could do without, I’ll try to keep this section as cute as I can.
5) It’s a no for me dog
Although I have come to terms recently that I possess some toxic text traits (quick blocking, rare: anger flooding) even given those horrible things... at least I’m not this guy. God is still working on me, but I’m enjoying ignoring this fellow and not blocking, which is a step up for me towards a healthier comms style.
4) My nosy neighbor upset over my newspaper
demanding I open the door so she doesn’t have to yell when she tries to interrogate me about incorrect newspaper disposal. I wasn’t even the culprit, I throw away my newspapers in the basement. They’re all haters because I receive NYTimes 7 days a week, and I pick it up when I feel like it...sometimes the next day. Do me a favor and mind your business, lady!
Bonus: a quick minute audio of me retelling the story if you’re into that sort of thing.
3) Gucci x Balenciaga
Nobody asked for this.
They’re not calling it a collab, but a “hack,” I think they meant a troll, or a #TackyChallenge. Regardless I'm secretly so excited to see my favor scammers wearing it on Lipstick Alley soon.
Although I can’t decide if this is fire or not?
I love the Balenciaga silhouette of this bag, and the B stands for me, Baddie5000.
Either way I can’t help but think they’re just trolling the consumer by pointing out the absurdity of collab culture (kind of like LNX’s Satan Shoe) but knowing everyone will buy it anyway (like early Nigo x Bape.)
2) RIP Black Rob (and DMX)🕊
The video of a frail Rob sending his condolences to Earl was heartbreaking, there was a GFM then we heard it was fake…now he’s dead? I know he struggled with health issues. Luckily for us he left us with several classics, "Whoa" going down in black art history forever. My favorite line from that song for its’ sheer imagery,
1) The Police
From that damn mechanical K9, to the constant murders and lack of consequence. Cops, as a collective are just late. Bad attitudes, horrible PR, deadly customer service. If I sent a script to Burger King that was meant for McDonald’s I probably would have to make this a pay-to-read newsletter, as I would lose both clients. Not sure how you’re confusing a gun and a taser with your doofy ass. RIP to live lost at the hands of the police.
TOP FIVE GREAT
Things that I deserve, and were good to me thus far.
5) Dogecoin gains
let’s fucking go! If you’re feeling FOMO and want to get in on these crypto coins... Join Robinhood with my link and we'll both get free stock 🤝 or Join Gemini with this link and we’ll both get $10 worth of bitcoin!
4) I’m Michelle Pfizer
and this is my gangsta’s paradise. This doesn’t mean I want to hang out immediately...please give me time and space to emerge from my comfortable nest, made of a Zaza smoke, sorbet colored sheets on my California King Bed, and lots of Nespresso. I like being home...
Also no shade to the Johnson & Johnson girls but it was always giving... if someone offered you 66 cents or offered you 95 cents...how many cents are you going to take? God bless us all and best of luck to all involved, as well.
3) My moon cycle is over, no more knives in the belly, bleeding out like a delicate deer on the side of road.
I have very intensely painful + of course emotional periods, because I am the quintessential woman. This week, I cried hysterically to this clip of The New Birth’s “Wildflower”
which Raekwon says was Old Dirty Bastard’s favorite, which felt healing. Like the song’s lyrics, ODB was filled with so much brilliance and pain. You’ll be happy to know in every TV meeting I possibly can, I always reference him visiting the check cashing place on MTV News as a format that we should draw inspiration from…because I do.
2) My official decision to no longer consume Black Death On Video online
I didn’t watch Daunte Wright video in full and I won’t watch any other people die online. That moment is not for me to be forced to visually consume/internalized. Knowing it happened is enough. Although quite the legal eagle, I haven’t been watching Chauvin trial as a conscious decision to protect my sanity. As a black person, a member of the media and a wise internet user... I cannot allow the news cycle to control my mood or my mind. I try very diligently to scroll wisely as not to engage in the traumalgorithm
1) You for reading this far? Me for finally hitting send?
Boffum. How’d this go for you? Feel free to
Ctfu! Your voice!
🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩