Normalize smuggling clean pee to get in the Olympics
JULY 4th, 2021 — Today is a day where one can truly observe if someone is as woke as they claim they are.
If you’re really about that woke fairy tale, you won’t celebrate anything at all today. You’ll sit in solitude and reflect, or do some activist organizing to better your local community.
If you are online-woke, on your feed today you’ll see many memes competing against each other in the struggle olympics: which disenfranchised group got fucked over by America more? The answer is all of them.
As for me, if I don’t stop by a familial BBQ, or get a massage, I’ll be ordering oysters to my high rise apartment while being black and beautiful simultaneously.
This week was truly active, so let’s get to it. I will try not to keep you long. Allegedly.
10) Heat Wave Alerts
Earlier last week, New York City experienced some form of a heatwave which I barely noticed because my 90 lb air conditioner which I installed by myself, has 12,000 BTUs.
When I did have to go outside, I dressed in light colored clothing and brought a frozen water bottle, miniature fan and a handkerchief to wipe my sweat… as a lady does.
At the height of the heatwave, NYC officials had the nerve to send a AC Amber Alert, asking us to conserve energy so we didn’t have a blackout. Many witty online users pointed out that Time Square was still lit up… despite them telling us to turn off appliances.
This was pretty American: attacking the little man instead of attacking the system. However, those jumbotrons in Times Square cost upwards of millions of dollars to advertise on… and we can’t waste ad dollars!
9) Another Times Square Shooting
Speaking of Times Square, the wretched area experienced yet another shooting last Sunday. You’ll recall the last shooting in May, which we discussed in volume 5. Both of these shootings took place ON THE LITERAL BLOCK OF MY “JOB.” So it’s safe to say, I will be working from home forever…because I’m not going back to this war zone!
In this shooting a 21 year old marine was shot, but I think he’s still alive. Can you imagine being in the military only to be shot off duty amongst pushy people in filthy, fuzzy, cartoon character outfits?
Our doofy mayor says he will flood the area with more cops. I haven’t heard anything about them catching the shooter yet, though.
8) The Olympics in general
Other than hiring Telfar to design the Liberian uniforms as discussed in volume 11, the Olympics are super lame for several reasons. Not only do they build massive structures which they abandon and are never used again (check out this incredible slideshow of such) they are seemingly racist!
Other than the Sha’Carri debacle which we will discuss twice, the Olympics are under fire for banning “Soul Caps.” These swimming caps were designed for athletes with afros, or voluminous coily hair…AKA black people.
The Olympics came out and said that the caps do not “fit the natural form of the head,” which sounds like Eugenics.
People are also coming for the Olympics because of a scandal involving some black female athletes from Africa who have been banned for having high testosterone levels.
It makes sense to me that they have high testosterone levels because black women have the most balls out of everyone I’ve ever seen.
Fuck the Olympics!
7) Sha’Carri’s Suspension
Our Queen, Sha’Carri Richardson has been banned from the Olympics for 30 days, so now we don’t have to pretend to care about sports. She failed a drug test because she was smoking on high grade marijuana, which is her constitutional right as an American.
Everyone is pretty bummed—I’m sure not more than Sha’carri herself; but she’s 21 years old. If you were making perfect decisions at that age…good for you, but most of us…not so much.
What I really didn’t appreciate was this “journalist” named Claire Lehmann who tried to come for Sha’carri (and Flo Jo!) insinuating that she’s “doping,” because of her long nails…which are clearly artificial + acrylic, albeit beautiful. Weed doesn’t make you good at sports, or else I would be in the Olympics.
I love how this man clapped back:
I just wish Sha’Carri had smuggled in clean urine, like Lamar Odom did in the 2004 Olympics.
America is literally the land of “get it how you live.” If you’re not breaking at least one rule to benefit yourself, you’re not an American. Our entire structure is based on lies; manipulation is as American as apple pie.
NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
6) Sha’Carri’s Suspension
On the contrary, I do believe that everything happens for a reason.
In reading on this story I learned that a REPORTER told Richardson that her biological mother had just passed away. We just watched Naomi Osaka (as discussed in vol 8 ) drop out of some sports thing because of THE PRESS and their impact on her mental health.
As many pointed out, if your mom died…marijuana might be the mildest thing you’re found smoking. It must’ve really sucked to learn about this tragedy this way, and still be expected to perform because everyone wants you to.
What has come through the most for me…is every one else’s desires FOR Sha’Carri… with no concern about what she actually needs. The Olympics are going no where, and we should prioritize her healing above any organized sport.
She still has a chance to compete later on in the Olympics, and as Cardi B pointed out…when she wins at the next Olympics, it’ll be even better because of all that she’s had to overcome.
Don’t worry Sha’Carri— you are still THAT GIRL.
5) BET Awards
I watch every black awards show, so I couldn’t miss this. But as one of my favorites Gunna (who is hospitalized, please get well soon!) pointed out…the fashions were questionable:
but overall I guess the show was cute. Some highlights of the show were:
-Lil Kim’s Prada Bangs (which 50 cent insulted but later deleted), and her saying she wants to do a Verzuz with Nicki
-Lil Nas X kissed his dancer on stage, as a publicity stunt for Pride
-Queen Latifah got overdue praise, and kind of came out on stage for Pride
-Cardi B announced her pregnancy, following the Beyonce marketing plan.
4) Bill Cosby Released
Welcome to America where you can admit to drugging women and get out of jail, but you can’t ingest medicinal plants for your own healing.
Bill Cosby is out of jail, which I guess sucks for the victims. But, he’s super old and maybe he should’ve just been on house arrest until he dies? I do have sympathy for the aging, I think. Some people pointed out that “more dangerous” people have been let out, and that he should be free. I don’t know about all of that.
I may lose some black points here but: I was never that into the Cosby show and I never saw him as a father figure. I saw him as an awkward man with bad jokes…who was creepy back then to be a doctor, even if just on TV. Do we think he put quaaludes in the jelly pudding?
I just hope R.Kelly isn’t next.
3) Pooh Shiesty Indicted
This week he has been officially indicted for the shooting that we’ve previously discussed. This is in neither here nor there due to the evidence used in his indictment:
Apparently one of the bills found on the scene of the crime…can also be found in one of Shiesty’s IG posts if you pay attention to the serial numbers. This is the most 2021 indictment ever. Ya’ll gotta move a little smarter out here because the feds are clearly online!
2) Richard Branson will go to space before Jeff Bezos?
I’m living for this space race between the white billionaires…super excited for them to be off of our planet. Branson, Elon and Bezos can all go and stay in my opinion.
Also, is it this man’s fault that the Virgin Mega Store closed? More of a reason to send him on a one way trip out of my face. Bye!
1) NCAA Changes Endorsement Rules
This week the NCAA change their rules about college players and endorsements. They finally will end their legal slavery and allow athletes to make some coin off of their NIL (name, image and likeness) vs. their schools/other stakeholders getting all the money.
This is way overdue, and I’m wondering if they’re handing out back pay?
In pure black excellence, Master P’s son signed a $2 million dollar deal the day after the rule change was announced. The best part is he will be playing for a HBCU.
This is the epitome of “if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready.”
That’s all I have people. Make sure to follow Baddie5000 on Twitter
and most importantly please mind the business that pays you (which isn’t mine).